"I teach you how to make exquisite love"
Sex is Not a Four Letter Word
Dr. Patti Taylor Interviews Gary Douglas
Founder, Access Energy Transformation
Listen Now
Get Audio Download
Transcript
Dr. Patti Taylor: Find out the real royal road to great sex, what really turns men and women on, and it may not be what you think. Discover your orgasm as a gift to you, your partner, and the world. Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking Show: how to move from climax-type orgasms to extended orgasmic pleasure lasting from five to forty-five minutes or longer. I'm your host, Dr. Patti Taylor of ExpandedLovemaking.com, and I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure than they ever dreamed possible.
Gary Douglas: Orgasm is the willingness to receive the level of intensity that your body and your partner can create energetically, that allows you to achieve an expansive capacity for total communion and awareness of all things around you, within you, and everything that is possible to be.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Today we have an amazing guest with a unique approach to having way more fun with sex using awareness, relaxation, and sensitivity. Our guest is Gary Douglas, founder of Access, an organization dedicated to the transformative power of consciousness. Welcome Gary.
Gary Douglas: Thank you, Patti, it's nice to be here.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome, Gary. It's great to be here with you. I might add, we're catching Gary during a four-day course, here in Sonoma, California, entitled “Beyond Orgasm”. Gary is known for being the founder of Access Energy Transformation. He travels the world delivering a variety of courses and workshops.
He's the author of several books, including Sex is Not a Four Letter Word, but Relationship Often Is. Gary is also creating an ever-expanding array of media products, including articles, books, CDs, and DVDs, to bring the presence of consciousness into everyday life. Gary, I'm pleased to have you with us today. I think our listeners really care about having way more fun with sex and want to know how that's possible. On our show today, we're asking Gary Douglas just how we can go way out there, and use consciousness itself to bring us to those far reaches of ecstasy.
So Gary, I want to talk to you about what is Access, and what does it have to do with sex? What is orgasm and beyond? And what can our listeners do today to have way better sex? Can we start? What is Access consciousness, and what does it have to do with sex? Our first question is, What is Access consciousness?
Gary Douglas: Well, the thing is, if you access more consciousness in your life, what it does is give you a sense of real presence, the ability to be present in whatever moment. If you're going to have great sex, you gotta be totally present. I know everybody's had the experience of being with somebody who, like, all of a sudden... yeah, you’re not sure you have anybody in your hands, you know. It's like, has this person gone away, where have they gone, where are they? So what we try to help people with is the ability to be present in every moment of their lives, and in life.
What would life be like if every moment was orgasmic? You know, it's like, I've eaten orgasmic food, and went to a molecular cooking place that was in Nashville, and they did this amazing food, where they keep it at a temperature that solidifies the different proteins in it, and the end result is when you get this food, it is the most amazing taste you've ever had in your life, and your body feels like it's having an orgasm the moment you put a bite in your mouth.
And it's like, it is just this incredible sensation that your whole body starts to vibrate with the intensity of the molecular structure of everything. And if our lives were lived from that intensity of the molecular structure of everything, in every moment, would life be greater than it is today? And if that's not the way you're living, shoot yourself, you might as well give up.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so that's what Access is. It's that intensity, that presence, that vibration, that's what you're teaching, and is that something that's possible to have in every moment of our lives? I mean--
Gary Douglas: Yes, it is possible to have in every moment of our lives, and one of the difficulties is that we, as the people we are, it's like, probably most of the people that are listening to this are actually humanoids, okay, and one of the things we're discovering in Access is that there's basically two species on the planet. They look alike, they dress alike, they talk alike, but they're very different.
The thing about a humanoid is, they tend to be in judgment of themselves all the time, and wonder what's wrong with them, and why they can't be, you know, more orgasmic, why they can't have more out of life, why life isn't more expansive, what else is there possible? And they're always looking for something else. They always feel somehow feel dissatisfied, like there's not enough in life.
And then there's the humans, and the humans, they live in a constant state of judgment, and if you just give up all that searching and swill a beer, and start with your couch potato on, and watch TV for nine hours a day, you'd be fine. And that's not where a humanoid lives.
I'm not saying that humans are bad and humanoids are good. What I would like people to get is the difference between them and others. And the one thing about humanoids is they'll look at themselves in the morning and go, oh the reason I can't have sex is because I'm too fat, I'm too big here, I'm too little there, I don't have a long enough-- schlong, I don't have big enough breasts, I don't have a big enough butt, or my butt's too big, my breasts are too small, you know, and they'll sit in judgment of themselves instead of going, okay, so what would it be like if I could actually be received? And the thing about humanoids is more than anything, they want to be received. And receiving of course is the major portion of what sex is, you know, and copulation, are really about. And money, too.
It's like, you can't have sex, you can't have copulation, and you can't have money unless you're willing to receive. And so much of what we're taught here is about how we have to do sex as an exchange. If I go down on you, then you have to go down on me. Is that really the way it should be? It's like, I've personally have had the experience of going down on a woman for anywhere from one to four hours, and having the most orgasmic experience of my life. The flavors, the taste, the touch, the places where the sensations open up, and this energy exchange that is really available to you.
When you have this energy exchange going on between you and your partner, it's like all of a sudden there's a new possibility, and you come away satisfied even if you haven't, “gotten off”. Because it's not about your orgasm from the other person -- you're receiving an orgasm, or having an orgasm. It's about the energy that's exchanged during orgasm. If we could have this energy exchange in orgasm, why couldn't we have it in every aspect of our life? And we should be able to have that.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, Gary, I'm sure that many of our listeners would love to be having the kind of orgasmic life and the kinds of orgasms that you're describing, and the judgments are getting in the way. So what can we do to start getting rid of those judgments?
Gary Douglas: Well, first of all, you've got to realize that, you know, as a humanoid, you pick up everybody else's thoughts, feelings, and emotions all the time. So ninety-eight percent of your thoughts, feelings and emotions don't belong to you. And all of the no-sex you're having doesn't belong to you. And you could really have a lot more sex if you were willing to get rid of the judgments. What it requires is going through a little process called, “Who does this belong to?” And if you did that for three days, with every thought, feeling, and emotion you had, you'd do, “Who does this belong to?”, and if it lines up that it's not yours, return it to sender. If you do that for three days, at the end of that, you'll have this quiet place in your universe, where there's nothing going on.
And the other thing you want to do is when you get into judgment, you know, it's like one of the things that happened for me a lot is that I would feel a lot of these judgments in sex, and performance anxiety, and am I good enough, you know, am I doing this right, what should I be doing? And it was a great gift to discover what I was really picking up was my partner's points of view, their thoughts, and their judgments of them, that they weren't going to be able to do it right, they weren't going to be good enough, they weren't going to be great enough, and you know what? When you finally realize that none of these things belong to you, that's when presence with your partner begins.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, what might happen if I followed your suggestion and started saying, “Who does this belong to?”, and realizing that all these thoughts in my head about sex that are coming in from media, from my conditioning, as you're suggesting, are not mine, and just returning them to sender? What might I find or, let me just ask you, what did you find after you got down to what was left? What was left, after you returned all those thoughts? What was there, in your presence, what was it like?
Gary Douglas: What was there... well what it was like was being a walking, talking meditation. And it's like literally, the presence and the ability to be present gave me this awareness of the sensations and the feelings in my partner's body. I could actually perceive more in other people's bodies, their bodies would say touch me here, do this, feel this, touch here, you know. It's like, and so, I would get direction from their body about what to do that would give them and their body a more fantastic orgasm. And the end result was, sex was a whole lot better.
Dr. Patti Taylor: So you -- wow, so you knew just where to touch them, and did it feel better to you also?
Gary Douglas: It felt better to me as well, because it’s like, one of the things that happens is, is like, once you get rid of all these thoughts, feelings, and emotions, suddenly you can be aware of what the person you're with, what their body is telling you. It's like if their body says, okay, I need a little extra energy over here, then you can, you know-- say they say, okay I need some energy on my back. So you tuck your hand underneath them and you hold their spine.
Maybe they feel-- you know, a little touch on the pubic bone, and you do that, and suddenly you find that they're almost having an orgasm just from touching these places. Because their body desires so much more than they usually get. You know, it's like, one of the things that we've done a lot of work with is, men have been taught never to receive in sex, they've been taught to give and to do. So the end result is they have huge performance anxieties, so a lot of the things that I think cause impotence have to do with the fact that we have all these judgments about, oh my god, I'll never be good enough, my penis isn't big enough, I don't know what to do with it, I haven't had as much sex as this person, I'd have to have a lot more sex before I'd know what I was doing.
None of which are your points of view. Reality is that you as an infinite being should know everything. What if you were willing to know exactly what their body wanted, exactly where it wanted to be touched, exactly how it needed to be touched, and what was truly possible for them as well as you?
Dr. Patti Taylor: So it's not that you would be a mind reader, it's like you would be a body reader and an energy reader?
Gary Douglas: Yeah, well, one of the things we looked at is, it's like, basically what it boils down to is like, if you masturbate, it's like you really, if you are truly present with your body, then you feel all the sensations in it. It's you, the infinite being, and your body, which has its own consciousness, so it's like you're having a partnership with someone else, you and your body, that's two people, and, you know, two beings involved in it. And then when you get together with somebody else, if you're lucky, the other person is so present with their body that you're having a menage-a-quatre, you're having four people involved, you're having two bodies and two beings involved in this amazing possibility. When you start to function from there, everything starts to expand. One of the things we're really interested in is, how do you expand your orgasmic base?
Dr. Patti Taylor: So how do you expand that base?
Gary Douglas: Well we have what we call-- we talk about it as the seven fountains of orgasm. And basically what it boils down to is, as a humanoid, you really, you know, it's like, our bodies are designed so that you have a sympathetic nervous system and a parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is designed for the fight-or-flight thing. Now, what that is supposedly involved in is creating ejaculation and orgasm. You have to go to the adrenaline pump or fight-or-flight to equal orgasm.
One of the things we've discovered is as a humanoid, you can do this from your parasympathetic nervous system instead, and what creates arousal is the relaxation of your parasympathetic nervous system. So what we encourage people to do is to experience this seven fountains, as we call it. Because what happens is, you build up this intensity of energy as you start to come close to climax, and instead of contracting, and you can start to feel the energy contracting as you start to go here, you feel the energy contracting, expand out. Now, often times with a man, that means they lose their erection.
And it's like, instead of getting all upset and thinking there's something wrong, when you expand out, and you build the intensity and the energy again. And then you fill up the next pool, and that overflows with expansion into a bigger pool. And after about seven times of doing this where you expand before allowing orgasm, what occurs is when you hit an orgasm from total relaxation, it's just about like having your toes turned inside out, upside down, and backwards all at the same time, and you can't imagine how much fun it really is.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, and all of this comes from just returning all the judgments to sender, and then going into the relaxation?
Gary Douglas: Exactly so, yeah.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow.
Gary Douglas: And it's like going into the relaxation and not allowing yourself to contract to achieve orgasm, realizing that it's not a necessity. Of course the good news about that is you don't suddenly collapse and go to sleep after you have an orgasm. You're ready to get up and go some more.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Right. Now, I notice since you're just doing this all with awareness, I haven't heard you mention anything about breathing techniques, or whatever. You've cleared your thoughts. Do you just-- do you stay clear, or do you have to keep clearing them? How does the awareness come in?
Gary Douglas: Well, at different times you'll find that you need to, you know, what we call P.O.C. and P.O.D., go to the point of creation of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions, or the point of destruction of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions immediately preceding your judgment or your decision, or whatever it was that keeps you confined in this area. Occasionally you'll have to do that, but for the most part, it's like as you begin to recognize there's a different way of doing it, and as you begin to practice, and I highly recommend that you practice all the time, either alone or with someone else, either way.
But practice it. As you do this, the sensations that you begin to be aware of in your body, grow exponentially, and you suddenly begin to realize, you know what, this body's a pretty cool thing. Instead of having judgments of it, and how it's not, you begin to find out what it really is, and you know, it's like, our bodies are sensory organs, they're designed to give us all kinds of information.
But because of the awareness that we have as little kids when we come in, we start shutting it down because it's almost overwhelming how much information we have, and nobody validates that information as being correct. They tell you it's your imagination and you couldn't possibly know that. Difficulty for little kids is they're highly sexual, up until about eight years old when people start slapping them for putting their-- you know, putting their hands on those body parts, and you know like, what we're interested in, how do we get you out of those places where you've been told, no that's wrong, don't touch that.
Dr. Patti Taylor: So by dropping the judgments we can learn how to reclaim what's ours anyway to start with.
Gary Douglas: Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, a lot of the techniques that they teach you in tantra and all these-- you know, all these other techniques, they're great. But they don't actually give you total connection to your body. Their way of overcoming the judgments that we've bought, and that we've assimilated, and that we've perceived, and thought were ours, but when you erase them, suddenly there's a whole new body available to you. You begin to find out what an extraordinary thing your body is. And how you can create it differently, and how you can use it differently, and how there's a different possibility with it that can expand every area of your life, as a result of it.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Well this sounds very exciting. I want to follow up with this. We're going to take a break to hear from our sponsor. We will be right back, so thank you, Gary Douglas.
For the rest of this transcript go to the Expanded Lovemaking Show at Personal Life Media: Click Here
